Pat is Madonna's Unapologetic Bitch!

I may have missed out on the concert, but OMG, my friend Pat was the Unapologetic Bitch last night and her experience made up for it!

When I woke up to her iMessage, "I danced with Madonna!!!", complete with a photo, it instantly woke me up, like no alarm has ever done.

All our friends are living vicariously through her now, I swear. We all can't stop talking about it, and I just have to share with you her experience. Ang saya!

Here's my exclusive interview with her, woohoo!

Your outfit was inspired! How long did you plan for it? 

I couldn't decide on an outfit until the night before,  but I was inspired by Madonnas vogue video and equestrian theme in her confessions tour.  I wore my 3 year old Italian suit, borrowed my daughter's bow tie, her classmate Armand's top hat, and my friend Tiffany's Amah's cane. It was an ornate carved Chinese cane that I wrapped with a satin ribbon from National Bookstore.

Outfit for the night was: Equipment silk top, Rachel Comey mars mule  from shoptilda.com, Comme ca bow tie from Emma, Top hat from Armand, Cane from Tiffany's Grandma, 3 year old Italian suit Mac lipstick in Diva, Mac blush, La Perla underwear

Did you plan on being the unapologetic bitch of the night? 

No I did not! It was totally random!! I just dressed up for fun. My husband was actually laughing at me! But he was so happy when he saw me on stage. 

MFO's Note: Pat didn't even know there was such a thing as the unapolegetic bitch because she didn't watch any concert videos prior to last night.

How did they approach you? 

I was standing in front of Krispy Kreme talking to some friends when a nice lady, probably from the production crew, came up said I looked good and asked me if I wanted front row tickets. She gave us two! I said yes immediately! My sister-in-law Gia excitedly joined me.

MFO's Note: Pat still had no clue that she was going to be asked to go up the stage at this point. She was just so happy to score front row tickets without paying for it, hahaha.

You didn't know you were going to dance?

While Madonna was singing Material Girl on stage, one of her girls asked me to go backstage. When I got there, they told me what was going to happen, and that I was going to dance and it was going to be freestyle! They were even debating if I should keep my hat and cane on stage. Then they told me to have fun!

What was the experience like onstage with Madonna? OMG!!!

Surreal. Fantastic. A dream come true. I always told myself that if there was one concert I needed to go to it would be Madonna's. And I suddenly find myself having a normal conversation with her! (What is normal, haha?) I'm going to have to tell my kids about this one day.

MFO's Note: Madonna noticed her rocks! And asked if her diamonds were real. Haha. Madonna really is a material girl!

What happened after you went down?

The dancer I chose went down with me using one of the lifts. It was my first time ever to see what it was like under the stage, there were dancers waiting to be brought up, some were just lounging, even getting dressed right there! The energy was fun and relaxed! I was saying "Hi!" to all of them! 

What are you going to do with the banana?

Photo via Maita Nolledo

We were thinking of how to preserve it, but I think my son ate it already!

MFO's Note: The dancer gave Pat a plastic champagne bottle to keep! Haha! I will figure out a way to post the video of Pat dancing, she was amazing!!! Her conversation with Madonna was so fun and hilarious! 

UPDATE: Here's a transcript of Pat's conversation with Madonna!

Madonna: What is your name?
Pat: Pat.
M: Pat. That's such a hard name to remember. *Pauses* So, uhm, did you wear this suit, so that you can match, like me on the top of a wedding cake? Yes?
P: Yes, and I wanted to channel my inner Madonna.
M: Your inner Madonna. And that looks like a suit.
P: *laughs* Yeah.
M: It's kinda good. I like that. Are those real diamond earrings?
P: Yes.
M: And I see you have a lot of rocks on your hands. Did you buy them yourself?
P: My husband did *laughs*
M: You're married?
P: Yes.
M: Oh. I'm sorry too. I'm just kidding. Good sport! So anyway, the deal is. I'll give you your prize if you give me one of your diamond rings! *then jumps, twirls around and does a couple of jumping jacks! and continues* I'm just kidding. Ok. So everybody knows that the unapologetic bitch of the evening gets a special prize aaaand you are no exception!
P: Do I get to take home one of the guys?
M: What! You want one of the guys? Oh. *whiplash sound in the background* Ok fine, but you're still waiting for me. *audience laughs* Which one do you want?
P: You can join us!
M: It's ok, it's ok *pushes away* there's no turning back now. You blew it already! Ok. Which one do you want? WHICH. ONE. DO. YOU. WANT?

Pat turns around and looks at the guys. The musicians are heckling in the back, shouting, "She's gonna pick the Asian!" The guys all strike a pose. Pat chooses the tallest dancer, on the far left.

M: Ohhhhh. Yes. Yes, he's been given a loooot of really wonderful gifts in life. Yes. You chose the right one. Anyways, so Kish, can you please help Pat...*pauses* Oh right, we haven't given you your prize. I got, I got distracted because you rejected me. *Audience laughs* Rejection doesn't sit well, in my book...Anyways, I've got a special prize for you Pat. And I know exactly where you can stick it.

Madonna whips out a banana. Audience roars in laughter.

M: Don't you just love bananas. You do? They're so good for you right?
P: They are, I have them everyday.
M: You what?
P: I have them everyday.
M: You have them everyday. Where do you put them?
P: In my mouth.
M: And?
P: I bite.
M: She bites. Kish, good luck.

The audience erupts in laughter. Pat steps back.

M: Ok, Anyways, keep back on the stage ok *motions for Pat to move forward*. Pat, you believe that you've got the power, ok. Anyways, you and Kish will have a wonderful diamond filled life together. Ok, Bye, bye Pat. And bye, bye, my fuck yeah bitches!!!

The music goes on and Madonna dances on the stage with three dancers left. Pat goes down the lift with Kish. Ang sayaaaaaa! Goosebumps.